June 15, 2011
Many of the Ah-Ha moments of my life have come from background noise.
I knew from the sound of my father's breathing he wasn't going to be same man coming out of the hospital as he was when he went in. The gentle persistence of Tartan, my then twenty year old cat, as she nudged my hand told me hold me now, I'm leaving soon was such a moment. I held her. She curled into my arms, purred and her spirit passed gently as I silently told her how much she gave with her constant love. The instant my eyes captured my now husband's I knew this was a man who would change my life. No kidding. The whole thing took about two seconds. I'm sure it took a whole lot longer for him, but that's another post.
And Wednesday night, after a double training session at the dojo, feeling exhausted, every minute of eighty-years old and like I was trying to move through quick-sand it hit me that I'd done something very right with my life so far. I was sitting in an epsom salt bath just this side of scorching, enjoying an icy lime beer with my husband when we heard it coming from our soon-to-be eighteen year old daughter's bedroom.
Giggling. Yes, can't-help-but-make-Scrouge-smile-giggling.
Our daughter and our twelve year old son were in her room giggling like the best friends they are with a secret no one else on the face of the planet could possibly see as tummy-hurting funny. I don't know what they were giggling about and it doesn't matter. This is common in our house, a fact for which I am profoundly grateful, and yet in that commonality lay the seeds of so-what.
When my husband looked at me with tears in his eyes and quietly said, "I'm going to miss that." The just-another-dayness of the moment evaporated and the enormity of the reality that in a few short weeks our daughter will be living on campus more than she's home, set in.
So did a deep satisfaction that our children will always laugh together and with us over small, trivial, goofy things. I am lucky to have that connection to them and more importantly, to be there to share the connection they have with one another.
So how is this post all about me? Well, in those self-absorbed-bath-soaked-seconds while I felt the blow of my husband's emotion and digested my own, I knew I would never take that sound for granted again. If I can summon it as my spirit leaves my body I'll set foot on the path of my next journey well satisfied that I helped give the world, and my children, something truly meaningful.
My kids can make me nut's but there is no greater gift I've experienced than the love permeating the air Wednesday evening as I sipped my beer in the bath, my husband next to me, just listening to the background noise of our children enjoying each other.
Aidanne and Cian...thanks.